WHO is stopping you?

The only one stopping you from achieving all that you can be is you. All of us have experienced that little voice inside our heads telling us, hey are you crazy you cant do that; you ll make a fool of your self etc etc etc. We may attribute all of this negativity to people around us and project our feelings of in adequacy upon them. We can blame circumstances but if we truly desire something we will go after it.

Just the other day a few friends and I were having a discussion about how a lot of times women tend to give up on their careers after they have children. I was furious at him at the time, because I thought he was saying that our roles as wive's and mother's is not important. Thinking about the conversation afterwards, I realized that all he was saying was our roles as mothers and wives are important but we should not let those roles and responsibilities derail us from our personal goals. Over time what happens is that we get so caught up in our roles and we keep telling our selves that if we don't live up to the standards set on us by society or our families, if we don't live up to our roles we are not good parents, or good people. The person who suffers the most in the end is us, me, myself and I.

I think the thing I miss the most about my teenage years was my passion for life, I was gungho about everything, I felt the world was my oyster. I was going to learn to ride a horse, I was going to learn to fly a plane. I was going to go sky dive and bungee jump. I was going to work with Doctors without Borders but over time as I met with the realities of life, had a couple of set backs failed at thing I started to get jaded. I stopped believing in my self and stopped going after my dreams.

I read a great quote the other day which was something like this, a life lived in fear of failure is a life of mediocrity. So today I am making a promise to my self that I will no longer be afraid, I will return to my age of innocence and seize the day. I believe in my self in my destiny and I will go after my dreams. I will shut that voice in my head which is telling me I cant do this or that and I will do all that I had desired at one time.

I want my daughter to grow up and look up to me and say my mom is a a real cool chick. I do not want to sit on the sideline any more but to go out and be all that I can be. I don't think my role as a parent will suffer because I want to achieve personal goals as well, in fact I think it will be good for my relationships all around because I will be happier. A happy person spreads positive energy all around. Take home message from all this ranting it this; go out of your comfort zone because that is the only way to grow as a person don't be afraid of disappointments because failure is still better than sitting on the sidelines and not doing anything at all.

CARPE DIEM......

Sister Marco Polo and Sister Robin Hood.

Sisterhood is a beautiful thing. Although my mom tells me that when my younger sister was born I was consumed with jealousy and did everything in my power to bring her points down and be my parents favorite. Being a rosy cheeked baby with golden curls that was never hard. I was out going while she stayed in the shadows. I ll talk incessantly while she would sit and listen or as mom says play with ants. Perhaps my sister was thinking ooooh when will she shut up.

Growing up too, I always had stories or some other thing I had to talk about. So I hogged all the lime light and my sisters had to be content being in the corners. WE fought like wild cats on everything as children and also as adults; but with all this came the territory of complete trust and utter affection. IF I was ever out of cash I could just take the money they kept in their secret stash, cause it was an unwritten rule that this was ok. If they ever wanted clothes to wear they could go and grab my ironed shalwar kameez and be off. Getting ready was always a riot with one small bathroom in our rented house and three young ladies trying to put on mascara and such, not as easy as it sounds people. It was when I moved away from home that the worth of my sisters truly started to sink in.

I had a whole support system all my life, some one who was there every time I had a story to tell a heart break to relate to and now I felt utterly alone. No one understood my humor like Sister Marco polo did and no one understood my off key songs like sister Robin hood.

Sister Robin Hood and would make long tableaux and songs of weird funny things. We created funny dances with funny names like the wedgy sister dance cause we all had gotten wedge cuts.

It was also when I moved away from home that I realized which sister was the adventurer and which one was the explorer.

Although to be brutally honest we all are adventurers and explorers, so that is not quite the right distinction to make. So let me rephrase;

Sister Marco polo: She is the one who likes to go into uncharted territory , always the one who would take up the road least traveled and push boundaries. I admit that I on my part have also done quite a number of things which can be attributed as going against the grain of social norms but sister marco polo has the grit to go ahead and forge her own way. She started talking about environmental stuff when no one in our family had really heard about it or cared to do much about it. She managed to turn all of us pretty much into tree huggers like herself. She convinced me to buy and compostor which is practically a big bin full of earth and earth worms and we kept it in our tiny basement apartment and composted anything that could be composted. The funny story is how we got it. We bought it and trudged back from the bus stop about 1.5 miles to our home. It soon became a favorite with our land lady too and she would bring all her food to compost as well and soon the poor worms were suffereing from a bout of indigestion. It was fun times though, I guess I have a ton more stories to tell about her because she was my room mate for 3 years when we both were living in Canada. Although I have lived with her almost all my life until I got married ofcourse, but those three years really put me in touch with the kind of wonderful person she is.

Sister Robin Hood: Well this sister of mine is always rooting for the under dog. The social reformer who will go to great lengths to bring about a social change. Always on the move championing a cause, and training in the martial arts along the way. As kids there was a couple of times when I being the big apa was able to really give her a beating but now; the tide has certainly turned I will think twice before I do anything which would anger this one. She used to use me as her practice dummy when she was training for ROTC and had to learn to carry a fallen soldier. So yes, you can imagine ........

Joan of Arc: According to my sisters, I am the only one in the family who has the capacity to fight in the way of religion and be burned as a heretic at the end of it. I guess they are right I have come along way from the girl who was following everything by the book and started thinking about things from different points of views and reading different books. I used to the the most religious one and in many ways I still am, I guess I am more inclined to look at things more spiritually than dogmatically.

So as I said before sisterhood is an amazing thing you have adventurers and explorers all living under one roof and then one by one charting their own course in life but that strong bond always remains. Onward we go my sisters :)

Moving towards World Peace.

Last week was my birthday and I was dwelling on the fact that I am fast approaching the big 3 zero..... What have I accomplished? my idealism is fast being replaced with realism and sarcasm. I was supposed to be Mother Teresa re-incarnated and here I am doing absolutely nothing to eleviate world poverty or illness. I was actually dwelling on this when one of my friends in jest asked why so serious? and then asked how can we have world peace.

I did not have an answer for his question at that time because honestly I never really really thought about it. His question was the catalyst which oiled my brain gears into motion. I am no Socrates but I think that world peace is a real possibility if we concentrate on just three things.

Human dignity + Tolerance + Compassion = World Peace, that is my formula.

Let me break it down for you, human dignity by its very meaning is the idea that all humans are deserving of respect, love and recognition regardless of gender, race, color, creed, caste, religion or any other distinctions. They deserved to be treated well because all humans have inherent worth and it does not have to be earned by status, class, culture or creed.

If we all started to treat each other well simply because we are human and not keep creating divisions amongst each other based on nationality, class, culture, sex, gender, creed, religion. If we do not sit in silence when we see mistreatment and injustice we will move towards world peace.

Next up is tolerance, why tolerance you may ask because tolerance simply means to allow another person to have a point of view. It may be completely opposite to your point of view but you allow it to exist, you do not have to agree with it, you do not have to like it but you let it be within some boundaries of course. If someone believes in infanticide you will of course not sit ideal while they go and bury the kid alive.....

The last in line is compassion, I think in order for someone to be compassionate they have to believe in human dignity and be tolerant to begin with... compassion is the idea the one feels someone else's pain or mishap as acutely as one's own. Of course you just don’t sit and feel the pain you do something about it, to help. Compassion is one of attributes of Allah and He placed compassion within our hearts so we treat one another with kindness. The idea behind two main tenents of Islam is also based on compassion, Zakat and Fast. We are told to give out of our earning to the poor so they can live better and to Fast in the month of Ramadan so we can feel the pain a hungry man feels.

So this is my view, if we all manage to have these attributes within our selves we may be closer to world peace.

KirrKet

How we inherited Cricket or KirrKet as some say. This is my version, so dont quote me on this.

When Lord Mountbatten was leaving to go back to Britian all the dignitaries came out to wave him good bye, right before he was about to step on the plane he came to see Mr Jinnah and Mr Nehru and handed them each a bat this is the conversation that was recorded by my great great grandfather who was a reporter for a magazine at the time and was covering the event.

Mountbatten: Well old chaps, my work here is done I say. The British have managed to make a nice ol mess here, lots of little pieces we have carved out of the sub continent and you guys can spend the next century or so sorting it all out. Do enjoy the cucumber sandwiches and yes before I forget here are my cricket bats. I prophesize that from this day forward, cricket fever will grip your nations. Anthems will be written to it and performed with lots of drama and action. Every child born hence will want to be a cricketer and make a century and every girls dream will be to get married to a man who knows his cricket (wink) So I am off now cheerios.

Mr Nehru: Haain, Mr Jinnah did you hear what he said, you think this will be our future, children and adults alike will be playing and loosing sleep over cricket. I was going to start my own Gooli danda ki team yaar. Waakoo kiyee kay gaya hai, aye angraiz. Hoon assi ki karan gay?

Mr Jinnah: Oh Nehru sahib dont worry about it too much Cricket is but a glorified version of Gooli danda. I think we will make it our national sport and encourage our youth to play this game and practice it more than they practice their calculus before an exam. Infact I will declare it a vacation when cricket world cups will be played so no child has to skip on sleep in order to study and watch the game. I am 100 percent sure... that these goraz took our gooli danda and made their cricket and now they are using it to create a more dramatic rift between our countries.

Mr Nehru: SAch kehnday ho tussi but Mr Jinnah I want Cricket to be our national game, we are a bigger nation we can produce more players what say you?

Mr Jinnah: hmmmm, well Mr Nehru, I say non of us make cricket the national game, however we promote it more than the national games hence it will be the psuedo national game for both the countries what say you?

Mr Nehru: Ahoo gee, good idea jee. I think we can make hockey the national game and we shall make Cricket the psuedo national game. Who can play hockey in our over crowded cities anyways, where will they play. For a game of cricket all one needs is a fairly empty street a couple of tennis balls, bats and some old chair for the wickets and...

Mr Jinnah: Enough speed to run away when the neighbours window breaks, or his hen dies due to being hit by the ball

Mr Nehru: Yes and we have to ensure that all the adults of a family are in the grip of the cricket fever every few months so lots of matches and tournaments have to be arranged, the uncles have to be in a thorougly bad mood if their teams loose, enough bad tempers have to flair so that the children quake in their shoes and the ladies of the house have to make extra effort for dinner.

Mr Jinnah: Yes my point exactly, we are both the fathers of such nations who are extremely passionate and emotional in their outlook. This can ofcourse be a great thing if they cultivate it in the right direction. I think they will leave the Spanish and Italian emotionalism at the door. They will stay up nights to watch a match even if they have work to go to in the mornings. They will skip school, not do house chores, lock up their crying babies all for the love of the game and for the PAssioan.... but this passioan will in no way be harnessed for the good of the country.

Mr Nehru: hahahaha you are quite funny Mr Jinnah. All nations need Heros and Heroins. As we are going to have a lot of them thanks to our Bollywood, I forsee us having beautiful young women who will be winning Ms World titles and ensuring the future of our industry. As you will not have that benefit you should have your heros from the sports industry

Mr Jinnah: You are right Mr Nehru, all nations need their Heros, America has their comic book heros, and ofcourse lots from Hollywood. As a lot cannot be expected of Lollywood I think we should uplift the Pathans and make sure they can be counted on as the future Hero providers for the Nations; waisay bhi they are a good looking bunch and this is a very important aspect of being a Hero.

Mr Nehr and Mr Jinnah together: Set hai phir, first cricket world cup shall be played in England. Jaldi naal Mountbatten nu telegram khaloo

The End, Dont kill me guys this was just a joke......

love your spirit and your passion for the game. Cricket wont be Cricket without it.

How I met your father

Hello daughter,

this is a post for you and only you. Today is the day your daddy was born.......

I want to relate to you, how I met your father. I am sure it was a day like any other day and being a 9 month old I had nothing better to do than look cute and pretty sitting in my bouncy chair because that is how I am cute and pretty and very very lazy.

It was that day when your daddy was bought to my grandfather's house. Everything was looking perfect when I noticed his feeding bottle. I was very intrigued so I went ahead and took it and when he cried I gave him a poke and than another and than another.

Days became weeks, weeks became months and months became years. Your daddy was nothing more than a speck on my playdates with your Hassan mamoo. He would come and ruin them playing chase, robbers and pirates and such dastardly games where I was left out.

It was around the time I was a teenager when Allah mian who runs a fantastic dating service, heavenly divine inc, stepped in and seeing the lack of action in both our lives introduced us all over again.

We became the best of friends and in time your mommy and daddy; so dear daughter, today is a very special day for us because today is the day your daddy and my best buddy came into this world. Today is the day, the guy who makes us feel ultra special each day was born.

Happy birthday to you husband :D

Are you capable....

I am fortunate to be born into a good family to have received education which has endowed me to work at great companies. I am fortunate to be speaking a language which has opened doors for me and allowed me to step out into the world. I am fortunate to have wonderful friends who speak my language and understand my culture, who are non-judgmental and care about me. Sometimes I wonder if I had been born in a broken down hut which was already over run with children. If the only person making money was not making enough to feed me, there was filth, mosquito and disease which greeted me each morning when I opened my eyes. I started my day with a stale piece of roti and murky water and that too if I was lucky and than would run out into the streets and I would see rich people in flashy cars going about their business. I would see cars parked next to swanky,hip restaurants throwing away half eaten food, what would I think. Would I be capable of robbing and killing some one at that time. Will I still have friends who are non-judgmental and helpful?

I wonder if it is circumstance which make a person or the person who makes the circumstances. I mean what if I was the one who had been a flood victim and I had to see my child dying slowly in front of my eyes what would I have felt than, If I had to make a choice and save my self or my child or have to choose which kid to save out of all my children, what would I do? What if the house I had spent my whole life building was the one which got washed away, every thing I owned drowned under vast amounts of water and mud. All my memories, all my life gone....

I think I am all these people, I am the poor kid who is starving. I am the flood victim who is in dieing, I am the child soldier who gets killed. I am the human that is smuggled. I am the baby who dies because of drinking unclean water...., you know why I am all these people? Because I share their DNA they are all a part of me and I a part of them because we all share the core of life.

I believe I am capable of making a difference in their lives because I will do what ever I can in what ever capacity to help and heal; what are you capable of?

Common thoughts by the commoner about the uncommon mango

I call the mango uncommon because in our part of the world it is known as the king of fruit. I had to do some research about mangoes hence I had to talk to my friends and family so I guess my whole article today is basically their thougts mingled with some of my own.

Any one who grew up in the subcontinent knows that summer is all about mangoes. Mango parties, eating them by the canals and specially eating them during the monsoon rains getting soaked. I still dream about biting into the luscious silky soft flesh and tasting the sweet sweet nectar. I have searched high and low for mango varieties from Pakistan here but have always been disappointed. The mexican mango does not quite compare to the more flavorful and sweet Pakistani variety.

I personally believe the right way to eat a mango starts with buying the right mango. For that one needs to go to the big farmers markets and haggle with the farmers. Once the right price has been negotiated the big carats are loaded into the back of the car and bought home, where the mangoes are packed with ice in steel buckets. Ideally every one would plan and all our extended family would pile into cars sitting one on top of the other and head to the Lahore Canal, where we would sit by the banks with our feet dangling into the cool flowing water. The men usually would jump right into the cold waters and start splashing every one whilst the women out of modest requirement sat under the pepal and safayeda trees with their shalwars hitched up. Each one would be issued a mango and we would progress to soften the flesh by kneeding it with our hands and than bite off the top and suck everything out. I can still taste the yummy goey deliciousness. The slight tang of the fruit, the juice would drip down the mouth and at the end we would all have yellow beards and sticky hands.

The next ideal method of eating Aam (mango) was to enjoy it during the torrential monsoons. All of us would come out with all our clothes on and bathe in the cool showers while mom would hand us the mangoes which we would relish. Monsoons, have a kind of magic associated to them in my mind I used to think it was something every country in the world experienced so when I moved to the USA I was quite disappointed for there was no intense heat where I lived and no cool monsoon.

However back to the subject of Mangoes, I think there is only one method of eating a mango which is sucking it but others seem to disagree. They say eating a mango is dependent on the type of mango, if its a tapka you suck it. Anwar Ratols can also be sucked. But langra, doosairi, sindhri are to be cut up and eaten. Some people enjoy cutting the fruit in half and scooping out the flesh, while others just cut it up into flanks with the skins on and eat the fruit off the skin. While still some would go to the trouble of removing all the skin and chopping it into small peices and eating it with a fork. This latter method is employed by people who have little love for the fruit and too much show shaw. Lahori's will tell you that when it comes to the mango one has to just hitch up ones sleeves and dig in, minimum hassle= maximum reward.

Mango seasons also result in mango parties, which have mango ice creams, buckets and buckets of mango fruit and little else. In such times kids are found running around in under wears to minimize sticky clothes. I remember the mango parties we had at our place back home, one in particulat was some ones birthday and all my uncles and aunts were wearing comical hats as they sucked and chewed on delicious, juicy juicy mangoes. The juice dripped over their hands and would make puddles on their plates if they were lucky to be carrying some or on the floor.

I feel my life in Pakistan was entwined with mangoes a lot of my childhood memories revolve around it, perhaps because it was in season during the summer when school was out. My my grandfather had mango trees in his garden and we would go and climb and collect the kachi ambiz (unripe mangoes) eat it with lots of salt and red chillies the sour flavor would make our mouths pucker but we wont let up until we had soar throats and ended up with a hoarse voice.

During the mango season mom would make achar in big clay martabans and we would have kachi keri ke chutni with missi ki roti and sometimes with aloo parathas also. My aunt would make methi aam ki chutney which we would enjoy with daals and parathas. I can still smell the unriped mangoes while mom pounded it with green chilies and salt to make the chutney the heady smell would waft on the sluggish hot breeze though the veranda as the mortar and prestel would go thud, thak , thud thak......