Intolerance

I am no expert here but just a thought in the Quran Allah never asked us to be the judge of any one. He tells us over and over that he is the judge and he will judge on the day of judgement. So i fail to understand the whole killing and screaming and shouting that has taken over Pakistan at the moment. Exactly what are we trying to achieve if we are truly of the belief one sect is not "Muslim" enough for us by killing them, because ultimately the judgement is Allah's right. 

 First we decided Ahmedis were not muslim enough now we are hell bent of finding fault with the Shia sect and soon all the Sunnis will be fighting within themselves on who is Muslim enough. WHEN does this end, NEVER. IF we keep quiet and keep watching and dont say this is wrong now it will never stop. I grew up in a family where my mother's side is Shia and my Father's side are Sunni, I grew up with both the sects and their practices.Both have a slightly different approach to Islam and well yes they both have different takes on certain historical details but the main tenents of Islam which I may add are Five not any more are the same. 

1. the shahada (Islamic creed)
2. daily prayers (salah)
3. almsgiving (zakāt)
4. fasting during the month of Ramadan (sawm)
5. the pilgrimage to Mecca (hajj) at least once in a lifetime.

These hold true for all sects I believe. One thing which hurts the most in the current situation of the Country is that in various discussions with my friends here I have seen people coming up with the most absurd kind of excuses to what is going on there, We can keep pointing fingers and say it is some third party doing all this or that the political leaders them selves are responsible for this. Fine all this may be true but what is happening is wrong, say that it is wrong. We know who is responsible for it and we need to catch those culprits and bring them to justice, as in the court of law. If we can  accept non-Muslims in this country and are respectful to their views and traditions we need to extend the same courtesy to the our fellow Muslims  Speak up now please this is not ISLAM and we are not saving any ISLAM here. 

Ideology

War and conflict is due to a clash in ideologies, coupled with circumstances, timing, susceptibility to violence and leadership. The question however remains what is ideology in the first place and how can it have enough strength to mobilize armies and make man ready to kill or be killed. " By definition ideology is a collection of ideas. The main purpose behind an ideology is to offer change in a society through a normative thought process.
 The crusades are one such example where such a clash in ideology resulted in war, both the Muslims and Christians believed Jerusalem to be their holy land and they believed themselves to be the rightful rulers. Nationalism; the idea that each nation deserves its own land is responsible for many conflicts around the globe today. The conflict between Shite and Sunni factions is also another example. The idea of a nation is an ambiguous one, nationalism can be based on similar language, culture, religion and other factors, infact there are many definitions to nationalism. Some theorists think that it is not nations which have created nationalism but nationalism which has created nations.
 Revolutions have been a result of ideologies  Marxism was the foundation of socialist and communist republics, and it was the idea behind the Russian and Cuban revolution. The French revolution which might have been the bloodiest revolution in history also has its roots in the thought that commoners should rule themselves and not be serfs to the nobles.
 Ideologies are also propagated to gain a sense of community.   Dean Ornish in his book love and survival writes about human need for intimacy and its role in human survival a gist of his research is this, "As  human beings we have an inherent need to connect and feel a sense of belonging, ideologies are able to provide us with those feelings from time to time. Human being have such a strong need to feel connection, intimacy and community that at times if they are not able to find it in beneficial ways they will be willing to find it in destructive ways. The need for intimacy is so strong that it will over ride our basic instinct for survival, which pretty much is an understanding that all life is important and in order to survive we need to find that connection with all life.
 Community can be developed in ways that bring us towards healing or towards suffering. One way to have a sense of community is to form smaller and smaller tribes around a hatred of a common enemy or a common idea. What we are seeing in the world today is this tribalization, this breakdown into smaller and smaller units based on seeing the difference between us and them. The true believers and the Heretics, when we revert to tribes to find a sense of belonging and to find a sense of community based on a common enemy we fight those who we feel are different from us, ultimately it is a false sense of community because a tribe that is unified by anger, fear, paranoia is likely to turn that suspicion on its own members until it breaks down further and further. Right now in Pakistan the  TTP is an ideology I think. It is not just a bunch of people some nameless faces. It is people who are just like you or me but are truly believing that what they are doing is correct. It is ok in their eyes to kill another human being who does not share their world view. The only way to fight an idea a thought process is by changing the thought process, by bringing in a new idea which challenges the old idea. The first step to challenge an old idea is the realization and awareness that there is a problem, that some people amongst us have a pretty polarized world view, most of us know the reasons for the creation of the Taliban and they were trained and encouraged to take up arms with the ideology that they were waging a war to protect Islam, they were fighting the Heretics etc. Although at this point in time we all have a general good idea of what political forces were the motivation behind their creation. What we need to realize at this point in time for the sake of our country is that Taliban is not Islam and Islam is not Taliban. The Taliban ideology is a very constricted view point which was created only to promote killing, religion was only used in name to promote and motivate them to kill. They were taught to hate any one who did not share their world view. Now the enemy which they were created for is no longer there so they are going to turn them selves towards any one who does not share their world view. In this instance it is religious parties who do not share their ideology or Agenda. Taliban are not picking up arms because they are being dealt with badly or being killed by drone attacks. The innocent people who are being killed by drones are not the ones becoming suicide bombers.
 History has shown that an ideology alone cannot bring about social upheaval or violent conflict. Timing is crucial  the idea has to come at a time when the society is ripe for change is ready to accept the idea and be prepared to implement it. Very good examples would be the Iranian revolution and the Arab spring. In these instances economical situations of the country were not good, people were frustrated and were looking to place blame on some one and were ready to try a new idea.. That idea was spread using the tools of propaganda and it was accepted by the masses due to the current leadership or due to the forces of social structure.
 The big question is how a common man is prepared to raise up in arms for an idea, There are many theories as to what mobilizes a man to violence, Some writers like Richard Rhodes suggest that it is behavior which is learnt people who have experienced it and out of that experience learned to produce it more or less on demand.  Weapons enter the picture as tools violent people may or may not use to amplify their violent production. Governments monopolize violence by authorizing some of their citizens to use violence in circumstance deemed legal and official. Apart from violent training group psychology also plays a part in mobilizing people to arms and conflicts. Propaganda and leadership play a great role in both these spheres. Could their have been a World War II without Hitler? My answer is no, because without Hitler there may never have been a Nazi Germany and consequently no WWII.
  An idea can bring about changes, huge massive impressive changes it is but a flame which can ignite  revolutions but one more crucial key to a revolution is the role of leadership and the personality of a leader many times is often more decisive in bringing about that social change than social or economic factors. The idea when propagated in the right manner at the right time combined with enigmatic leadership who is able to mobilize people to action can make the people believe in themselves and in their cause can bring about a social change. 

My country my first love......

Pakistan mean different things for different people. For me it is a big part of my identity of who I am today and that identity is an amalgamation of many sensations, experiences, sights and sounds.......

Here are a few that mean something to me, tell me what Pakistan means to you.

Pakistan is monsoons, the smell of the wet dirt .....

It is sleeping  out side on charpaoiz under the open sky and talking through the night with my cousins, uncles and aunts.

It is mangoes packed in ice in steel buckets and eaten at the canal. 

It is chapal kebabs and Kameeri Rotian

It is the choorian we wore on Chaand Raat

It is putting mehndi with all the cousins....

It is the voice of the Muazin from the mosque

It is my grandmothers hands

Samosa chaat, Aloo walay naan, Paratha rolls and pepsi....

Shopping at Ichara with my aunt

Shadiz....

putting up diyaz on 14th August

hiking in the mountains

sitting by the river swat

feeling a sense of belonging, an identity I wear with pride. 

In his eyes episode 3

 In the sweltering heat of the afternoon; every one was enjoying a Siesta. It seemed that all the birds and bugs were also quietly sitting in the shade passing time and waiting for evening to come. Rehaam was sitting in her room reading a magazine she had swiped off of her Khala's Khwateen Digest Collection. Uff !this is too boring for me she thought, I ll ask bua if she wants to accompany me to the book store and maybe I can buy a couple of new books. She went into the living room and asked Khala's permission to go out to the bookstore with Bua.
  Khala asked the driver to take out the car and soon she was at the book store with her
"Bua. Massi, i ll be a few minutes, you can stay in the car, its cooler here anyways." Rehaam said
 She entered the store and went to the best seller section. Her friend had told her about this new book the life of pi, she really wanted to check that out. She was browsing the book section when some books fell in the shelf next to her, she looked to her side and saw a gentleman picking them up, he looked familiar to her and when he looked up she knew why. The same enigmatic eyes greeted her. For a moment she forgot what she was thinking.
He smiled and said," Assalamo Alikum, funny running into you here?"
 Rehaam startled and came back to Earth "walikum Salam, she said, yes I was hoping to find some good books to read, so i thought i ll come check out this store. What are you buying."
" Oh I needed to get some books for my new courses so came to check out the prices," replied Hisham
"So what kind of books are you looking for." He asked
" I am looking for a book called the life of Pi, have you read it?" Rehaam asked.
"Hmmmmm, no I have not read that as yet, maybe you can lent it to me once you are done with it?" he said with a smile.
Rehaam laughed, "yeah right as if we ll keep running into each other. "
"You never know Rehaam we just might," he said with a shrug.
"I myself do enjoy Urdu literature and love reading Poetry. Faiz Ahmed Faiz is one of my favorite authors."Hisham said
 "Oh is he really," Rehaam replied. "I do not understand poetry at all, don't know what they are talking about; it is so metaphorical."
"Poetry is the language of love Rehaam," Hisham said. "I guess you ll understand poetry when  you ll understand love. "
"I do understand love jee, I love my family, I love my bua....." Rehaam replied defensively.
"Yes, that is true I guess.... hmmmm let me see," Hisham said, " why dont you read this book, he took out a book of poetry by the poetess Parveen Shakir. This is a good collection of poems read the Nazam titled Chehra mera tha (my face) you might have heard the song its by vital signs."
"Oh yes i have heard the song. I love that song." Reham exclaimed, "hmmm I guess i ll give it a shot. Thank you for the suggestion and let me return the favor by suggesting  the book, God of small things, it is by Arundathi Roy. It is one of my favorite books. Read it and tell me what you think." Rehaam said.
"I shall surely do that thank you," Hishaam said. "Ok let me buy the books I came here to buy, it was nice running into you, maybe I ll see you some where again he said with a mischievous grin."
Rehaam smiled, "yes maybe."
 He carried on and started to purchase his books while she browsed the shelves for a few more books and than came to the checkout her self and paid for her books.
   They returned home in time for the evening tea and snacks. Khala was sitting on the veranda and Khaloo as was his routine had returned home and was getting ready to go play golf at the Mess golf grounds. She said Salaam to khala and went to her room to put away her books. She freshened up and came to sit outside with khala.
" So Rehaam, did you buy any books from the store than," Khala asked.
"Oh yes khala I did get a few books, got two Urdu ones also, you d be happy to know as you are always telling me to read Urdu."Rehaam said
"Oh really you did, that is nice. What books did you get?" Khala asked
" I got a poetry book by Parveen Shakir and one by  one by Ashfaq Ahmad." replied Rehaam
"That is nice, do tell me what you think when you read them."Khala said.
    They were enjoying their tea and the sunset. Khaloo had also come back now from his golf and the talk had drifted to politics and the weather.
Khala said to Khaloo,  "We should have the icecream party soon. Mangoes are in season and we could make the hand churned ice cream. I had asked at the mess, they said we could borrow the ice cream machine so who all would you like to invite."
" Hmmm said Khaloo, begum as you wish, ofcourse we will be inviting all the usual friends and family make sure you do invite my old friend Sarfraz Shah, he recently moved from Bahawalpur to Multan. Invite his whole family for certain, I have not seen him in a long time. I know he married off both his daughters and two of his sons are off to boarding school but two of his sons I think are in Multan, in fact one of them is studying Medicine. Rehaam's ears pricked up at this tit bit of information, her heart fluttered and well she wished that this person was the one she has been running into for the past few days.
 Khala said," Rehaam we will be going to say Fatiha at the mausoleum of Shah Rukh-E- Alam tommorrow. We will be leaving after Fajr prayers, you are most welcome to join us. I usually distribute food and alms there as well. "
"Yes, Khala I would love to join you. I ll make sure I am up and ready. Where is Hassan bhai and Rabya apa? " she asked her.
"Hassan went to see some friends and Rabya would probably be inside reading." Khala said
" Ok, I ll be in her room if you need me." She left Khala and went into Rabya Baji's room, every one called Rabya baji, "Raj" and she was busy studying for her final board exams. She was a beautiful girl with thick dark hair and beautiful almond shaped eyes.
"What are you doing Raji," asked Rehaam.
"Nothing much trying to memorize these chemistry equations, I just hope I can score well for my exams and get accepted into Medical college otherwise Abu will be very disappointed," Raji said.
"InshAllah you will Raji, ok I ll not bother you, when you are free we can have a badminton match out in the ground, it will be good exercise and Allah knows I need to work off those samosas I just had with tea." Rehaam said.
Raji chuckled, "Oh Rehaam you worry too much, you are so slender, ok i ll come get you when i want to take a break."
   Rehaam went to her room and started to read through Parveen Shakir's poetry which poem was it that he has asked her to read, "Chehra" I think. She skipped to that poem first and read it, it was mesmerizing. She started to think about him again; she really did like his eyes. They were the color of honey but tended to  change to a greyish aqua , there were specks of gold in their depths. Snap out of it Rehaam why are you thinking of him so much, he is a total stranger. A couple of chance meetings mean nothing..... her line of though was broken when Raji came into the room. They went out to play badminton and played till dinner was served. After dinner Rehaam said her Isha prayers and went right off to sleep.
    The next morning was a bustle of activities, after prayers Khala, Raji, Bua, Khaloo and Rehaam went off to the mausoleum of Shah Rukhn-E-Alam.  The mausoleum is a beautiful construction of red brick and blue tiles. Its majestic beauty could be seen from afar due to its size and structure.  It is quite large and both the women and men section look onto the grave of the saint, so if one is standing on the women's side you can see into the men's side and vice versa. They went into the women's section while her Khaloo went to the men's section. After saying Fatiha she looked up and saw Hisham standing in the men's section, he looked up at the same time and their eyes locked across the sea of people. She felt her face flush and soon the sea of people receded back and it felt as if they were the only two people in the room  and all she was aware of were those beautiful eyes locked with her. The intensity of his gaze made her blush and she quickly looked down and when she looked back up he was gone.........

The 3 minutes when wisdom descended

Before I start this post, I just want to thank each and every one who has read my blogs. You have no idea how special that makes me feel when I go click on my posts and see how many people have read what I have written. Thank you for given my thoughts and written words a place in your life.

   I turned 30 a few months back and my sister called me and asked Apa how does it feel are you crying like Rachel of "Friends" did or are you drunk like Monica. I d say I am drunk, drunk on life that is. The night before my birthday I was sitting talking to a few friends and they joked how wise I must feel now and well in all the wisdom I have gained from the last decade I would love to share some tit bits with you ; keep them if you like otherwise press discard and empty the recycle bin of your mind.....
  Well I have gleaned 5 major lessons in my life so far; the  first major lesson is Don't Judge any one: we all experience life differently and in our limited perspectives we cannot always know how the other person experienced something so therefore we cannot sit or stand in judgement of any one. There is always going to be difference of opinion so lets just take it as that a difference of opinion and not as absolute truths which we need to fight over to death.
 Second major lesson: Forgive, I have learnt that forgiveness is not always for the person we are forgiving. It is more for us, when we forgive we are able to move on and able to let go. When we forgive we are allowing positive feelings to replace negative feelings. Positivity breeds hope, while negativity breeds despair and anguish. It is as if a wound has been bandaged and you can heal.
Third major lesson: Don't give up on your dreams, no matter how old you get, there should always be goals you want to attain and so go for them, don't make excuses just go for it. It is better to lose trying than not try at all. We all have such visions for our future and dreams when we are younger, keep those visions alive you can never know when something will get fulfilled unless you give it your best shot.
Fourth major lesson: Treat every one you meet as if you are going to die that day, give them your best side. This is especially true for our children and significant others because they are the ones who get the worst of our moods. Relationships are the most important things in our lives, make them count give them time and nurture them, good relationships breed happiness. Although we may think power and money is something that will give us higher satisfaction but I think in life happiness is far more important than any other thing and happiness comes from people in our lives not necessarily from things.
Fifth major lesson: A life well lived is far more important than a well preserved body and face. I am not saying that one should let them selves go but i do believe constantly obsessing over every year that is added to our lives, every wrinkle, every fat cell, every gray hair is just not worth the hassle. There are many people in this world who do not have the privilege of getting old. There are those who get old but do not experience anything i.e patients in comas, people with major brain damage. We are lucky to have reached this age and to have experienced it along the way. The big  3 O is the prime of our lives, we are no longer silly teenagers, no longer the vulnerable twenty somethings, we are now mature young adults ready to spring into the world and grasp it by the hand. What we do now counts more than ever, so lets make it count. Lets be thankful for the our today and all the tommorrow that we will be able to experience. 

In his eyes episode 2

 Rehaam watched the scenery passing by; it is wondrous how the scenery changes from mountains, to hills to plains. Pakistan is  a beautiful country she thought. To see such geographical diversity in the USA one would need to travel from the North of the country right down to the South and even than not be among some of the tallest mountains on the planet or one of the largest desert in the world.
     She stared outside, the sun was setting now; they were probably near Dorata station. She looked across the seat and Bua massi who  was finally up from her long nap was busy crocheting a shawl. She cannot sit still, she thought fondly. Bua Massi was not really very old, having been widowed at a young age she had been with her family for as long as she could remember. She was not very tall, a wispy woman but a formidable woman; that much she had seen when she would accompany her to the Bazaars and ensure no man who ever whistled or made a catcall her way lived to tell the tale, one time she had thrown her slipper at a guy on a cycle who had dared to make a rude comment, she smiled at the image. Bua Massi looked at her and said;" Bismillah karan bachay, what are you smiling at?", "oh nothing special Masi, did you like your tea?sorry it was cold by the time you woke up". "Nahin Nahin bachay, its ok at the time having a cup of tea was a blessing in it self." replied Bua Massi.

    Bua Massi looked at her charge, she had taken care of Rehaam since Rehaam had been 2.  Having lost her husband at a young age and having no one to turn to Syed Sahib had been like an angel for her, her late husband had worked for Syed Sahib at his factory and after he died, Syed Sahib had bought her to his house and she had been serving his family as an ayah since. Rehaam had grown into a gorgeous young lady she thought; she had beautiful curly black hair and eyes the color of the sky on a clear day. She was not rail thin like the trend was these days, but was not chunky either. In Bua massi's eyes she was just right.

   Rehaam thought about her khala's house it was  in the Cantt area, her khaloo was a Colonel in the Pakistan army so they lived in a large house built in the style of the British Raj. They had big beautiful gardens which were tended by a team of gardeners. Every season bought with it a ton of fruit and Khala would have massive ice cream parties, where she would use the hand crank ice cream makers and produce lots of ice cream with the fresh fruits. Reham felt excited about her trip now, this meant a yummy mango party with lots of ice cream and fresh mangoes. Her thoughts drifted off to her Parents now; she hoped Baba was making a quick recovery, he had had some trouble with his pancreas and had needed to be hospitalized, Baba had worked very hard all his life during the time he was setting up his sugar mill in Rajan pur he had landed a very lucrative deal with a company in the USA; the company produced industrial machinery but was struggling, so Baba being the astute business man bought the company and had been able to turn it around. It had gone from a small struggling firm to a large business. Baba split his time between the US and Pakistan; although Rehaam and her siblings had gone to visit the US numerous times, her father felt it was best for them to live  in Pakistan and be close to the family and the cultural heritage.

  Night had fallen now, one could see the stars in the clear of the night, they came to a halt at Mahmud Kot station, it was amazing how much activity there was on the platforms even though it was night fall. There were people sleeping or trying to sleep on the benches, others were moving quickly to catch their trains while the kulis lugged the huge bags on their heads running to keep up.

Hisham came to their berth and said, "Assalamo Alikum, I was about to go and get some thing to eat as the dining cart is having some sort of problem and they are not able to serve any food, would you like to have something to eat as well."
Rehaam looked at him smiled and said," No no thank you; that is very kind of you but we have food with us, infact if you like you can join us we have a lot and Multan is only another hour or so from here. Bua Massi this is Hisham sahib he also lives in Multan and is studying at Nishtar Medical College, we got acquainted a few stations back." Reham told bua massi.
"Assalamo Alikum bua",Hisham said politely.
"Walikum Salam", Bua said, :haan haan beta do join us for some food. I  made extra, do you like aloo kay paratha and we have achar also."
"Oh no no, I could not, i would never want to impose," Hisham said sheepishly.
"Nahin beta you are not imposing, we would love to have you for company", said bua
"Ok if that is the case why not; i have not had Aloo Parathas for  quite a while now." Hisham said
" So beta, where do you  live in Multan? " inquired Bua
"I live on Bosan Road jee." Replied Hisham
" What is it that you do?" asked Bua
" I am studying Medicine at Nishtar Medical College at the moment I am in my 3 rd year." Hisham said
"What does  your father do Bua Massi inquired but before she could complete her sentence Rehaam interrupted her, "dont give him the 3rd degree Bua," Rehaam said embarrassed by this keen interest of her bua in their guest.
" I am only asking Beti to aquaint my self with this gentleman here." replied Bua defensively
 Hisham laughed and said, "Oh its ok Rehaam dont worry about it, My father used to work for the government but he is retired now and is busy taking care of our ancestral lands"
"Oh really, that is nice," Rehaam exclaimed," What kind of crops do you grow on your lands?"
"We have Orange orchards and Mango orchards. We grow wheat, corn, and cotton mostly.... Wow, Bua jee these are delicious parathas, Hisham said

They were enjoying the food and conversation and before they knew it they were entering Multan Cantt station. They packed everything and got ready to get off.
 Hisham said, "thank you so much for  your hospitality I wish you a safe stay here."
 Bua Massi said," it was our pleasure son. Khuda Hafiz."
 After Hisham left Rehaam waved a Khulli over and asked him to take the bags, they disembarked from the train and soon found their Khala and Khaloo waiting for them.....

 Wait for Episode 3. 

In his eyes

"Travelling in the sweltering heat of summer is no joke, I don't know why my parents think I always need some sort of chaperon; I could have easily stayed in the hill station by myself but Amma ko bhi na, go to Khala's house beta, its not safe or socially acceptable for a girl your age staying by her self. I will be back in a few months from the USA. Enjoy your stay in Multan till that time, you have never seen it and you have always wanted to go visit." All the conversations of the last few days were echoing in Rehaams head.
      The last few days had been a blur of activity Ami had needed to go to the USA on urgent business, Abu was not well and had asked her to come as soon as possible. Ofcourse on such short notice it was impossible to take all the family, so she was being shuttled off to khala's house and her brother and sisters were going to go to Nana abu and Dadi ama's houses respectively. Rehaam was lost in her thoughts when the train came to a stop and with it came the deluge of humanity. All the Co Cak Cola and SPrait wala sounds, Kulfi and Garam anday, some charlatan selling snake oils. She really needed to get some tea, her head was hurting too much, she had been up since the crack of dawn and from the looks of it she probably will be up for another day until they reached khala's house at the rate this train was going, they were only at Fateh jang right now. She looked at the seat in front of her, Bua masi was fast asleep; she really did not  want to wake her up, maybe she could go and get two teas by her self after all she was 18 years old and that in her books was old enough. She got up and took the money  out of her back pack and climbed down from the train. It felt good to stretch her legs, she proceeded to the tea stand. There was already a gentleman in front of her ordering tea. She stood to the side to let him finish; and than ordered two teas herself. She took them and was on her way back to the train when the fellow who had been infront of her rushed past her and in the process she managed to spill half her tea, "ouch" she yelped as the hot tea scalded her soft hands "I  am so sorry I was just in such a rush," he said. She gave him an angry look and was about to start off on a tirade when he said, "allow me to buy another one please. I am so sorry, did I hurt your hand also"
"Yes unfortunately you did".she said " let me see", he said as he inspected her hand. "dont worry I am a medical student." "looks like a first degree burn, I have some ointment in the train, i ll bring it to your seat; allow me to bring you some tea now."
  She looked at his receding back, he was tall almost 6 feet and had thick brown hair. He was dressed in an offwhite Shalwar Kameez and wearing the traditional sandals for the region, given the heat it seemed the wise choice, she though staring down at her own sneaker clad feet. He returned in a few minutes with a cup of tea and proceeded to accompany her back to the train. She came to her compartment to find bua ama still asleep. He left her the tea and said he d be back with the ointment in a few minutes. She continued to sip her tea and was immersed in her thoughts when he returned with the medication. "I am really sorry to have injured you, I hope this helps with the burning." he said." She looked up at him and for the first time noticed his eyes, they were the color of  liquid amber, smoldering and warm as he looked down at her. She felt a rush of color to her cheek and looked down at her tea. "Thank you for bringing me the tea and medication"Rehaam said,  "I am Rehaam and this is my bua amma, we are going to Multan to visit my khala," she said in way of introduction. "I am Hisham and I am on my way back to the Medical College, I am a student at Nishtar Medical Center. I feel terrible for my carelessness, I hope you feel better and in case you need anything, I am sitting in berth number 4."  "Ok, thank you Hisham sahib," Rehaam said. After he left she applied the ointment to her hand and than proceeded to sip her tea. He did have the most enegmatic eyes she though as she settled down in her seat and started to observe the bustle of activity on the platform.

Train ride

Have you ever traveled by train in Pakistan? if you have than u must know that by the end of the trip the whole "dabba" is your family. My sudden recall of the train ride is due; cause i watched this movie called challoo dilli, its a well made movie and I would highly recommend it.
  I have traveled by train often between Lahore and Karachi. Infact train is one of my favorite ways to travel, If I have to choose between a train and an airplane I would always choose the train. Train is soooo much fun especcially between Lahore and Karachi because of the way the scenery changes from the plains to the desert. I think we are specially blessed because we have a country so full and rich with culture. On a train you acually get to experience that cultural shift as you get off on the various small town stations for tea and snacks. Travelling with my grand-mothers was the best cause they always knew which place had the best tea, which place had the best samosas and pakoras and mithais and which were special for what area.
If you have ever traveled by train in Pakistan you must also know how often they are delayed, so its quite amazing how all the passengers unite and pull together at times when the trains halt to a stop and there is no idea of when it will start again and the other best part is that if you are a lady travelling alone you would never need to pick up your own baggage, cause some samartan will always be there to help the damsel in distress.
 I remember when I was younger and I d go by train I d make friends with all the passengers and by the end of the journey my mom had to drag me back to my seat from some long lost Khala or Mamoo that I had found. I guess my favorite part was the sharing of food and stories, its funny how culture difference play a role in what one can say or not say in public. In Pakistan any one can be ur baji, or behan ji or khala or mamoo or chachoo and they will ask you about your complete bio data without flinching. So if you are a girl of the marriageable age beware cause you might just be betrothed to some aunty's wonderful nephew who works for some big firm. If  you are married and do not have children beware with a big B cause you will need to explain your choice for not being knee deep in poopie diapers and if you have one child you must have a good reason for not having a dozen as yet.
All this aside i still am in love with the culture where every one's  business is your business and your business is every one elses, it does show some level of care right. When ever we traveled by train with Dadoo she would have a whole basket of food packed for the trip and everything was consumed in order, because one always needed breakfast, lunch a snack and in most cases dinner. There was always fighting in the ranks about which berth to sleep on and for pardah's sake we d have all our chaddars hanging from the top of the berth if there was some poor fellow who was sharing the seat so be it, he would become an honorary uncle right than and would have to tolerate a gaggle of ladies giggling and talking and in our cases young ladies singing and performing some sort of tableau or another.
 I loved to sleep on the train with the steady rhythm of clacikity clack beneath the wheels, what fun that was.....
Trains in some ways remind me of life, in life we travel with a bunch of people who get off on their designated stops. Some stay with us for the long haul of the journey others for a short time, with some we form tight bonds and some we never get to know at all. All the people we travel with leave with us memories; some good and some bad. It is indeed fortunate to meet people and have meaningful relationships and when you meet those people it is always a good idea to keep them around in your life. It is wonderful when you lose some friend along the way and meet them again in some distant future, I guess the beauty of a good friendship is that no matter how much time has passed when you meet you feel you had never left at all, those friendships I think are the real keepers. So my prayer for you on your train journey of life is that may you meet wonderful companions to travel with and may your travels be easy and your burdens light.

Give me wings and I will fly

Well I have successfully finished my rotation at the hospital. This one for me was the  scary bit, I ll talk about that in one second. I just want to talk about a couple of other things before that.
One of the major things I have realized from all my experience working and so on in the last few weeks are
a) how lucky and blessed I am to have the parents I had, who gave up their own dreams and wishes to give me the best education that money could buy. My parents sent me to one of the best English medium private institutes in the country, back in Pakistan and at the time my mom tells me my grand father  had asked her how she ll manage to pay the high tuition fees to which my dad had replied I ll figure it out uncle cause my daughter deserves the best. Having a good education gives us such a big advantage on so many fronts, having parents who were willing to put us through university and hence giving us a boost up in life. I came to this realization while I was working with different students in my rotation groups who unfortunately do not have this support right now. They don't have the luxury of not working. They have to work to make bill payments and to put them selves through school, which is very difficult.
b) I also realized that we have a great opportunity at our disposal. I believe in destiny and I believe that Allah has put me here for a reason, I am currently residing in one of the biggest economies of the world, enjoying the benefits and lifestyle which only about 10% of the US population enjoys. I have a great opportunity here I can use this time and my energies to learn new skills either through volunteerism, or work. If I work I have an even better opportunity now cause with my income, I can do so much charitable work for Pakistan in particular but other places as well, I can take it upon my self to educate just one person who may not have access to education, or support a family for their livelihood in Pakistan. We keep talking about bringing change for Pakistan. I know its very hard for a lot of us to be away from families but we need to realize the opportunity that we have at our disposal here and not using it would indeed be very sad. I think when Allah gives us money, and privileges he gives us an even bigger responsibility to be care takers for those who may not have access to the benefits we have. If we volunteer we will still be learning new skills which we can teach others, use at some stage in our lives, start small grass root organizations to start a change. Use your imagination but please use this opportunity. I think if we were in Pakistan right now, we may not be able to create as much of a change as we envision here because we will be too busy making a living and ensuring a better future and security for our children. So i know it sounds shallow but money has a lot of power and it has a lot of power to buy many different types of things. It is our choice how we use the money and the power associated with it.

Now a little bit about my hospital experience, I had a great time because I got to see so many cool procedures and see many medical devices which I was not aware of. Medical science has progressed so much that we have manages to prolong the average life span of some one living in this society by almost 30 years. But on the other side of the coin it does bring up many ethical questions and predicaments about end of life and what to do when some one is on artificial life support. Working at the hospital was an eye opener on so many fronts. I realized that the old slogan  health is wealth holds so true because if you loose your health nothing in the world can replace that. There were patients there who were on ventilators and some who were receiving tube feedings, things I take for granted every day breathing and eating. Imagine not having the luxury to taste your food. Of-course taking care of patients in the hospital is more work and it does require a lot more skill cause of the level of acute care and the amount of i.vs and things attached to each person can make things like turning some one in bed and taking them to the toilet a big challenge. I have to say Nursing is a very challenging profession both emotionally and physically and the Nurses both male and female do a great job of keeping a calm, pleasant exterior while managing so much paper work, answering call lights and taking care of patients needs. I did not see nurses sitting for one second while on their 8 hour or 12 hour rotations and I only had 8 hours to do I can tell you being on your feet for that long and ensuring you are not Mrs grouchy pants by the end of that, plus making sure you are following all the rules and protocols is no small feat. Nursing is so much about communication and being a team player, being positive to your co workers and enthusiastic about your work. There is certainly a lot more than book knowledge and skill involved. I just have so much more appreciation for people in the health care field and all that they have to put up with and deliver care. 

The care takers of the little things

I finished my first clinical rotation at a Nursing Home/ Rehabilitation Facility this week. Just to clarify when I am talking of Rehab here its not substance abuse rehab, its rehab for people with problems of a more physical nature due to the result of stroke, accidents, surgeries etc. This sort of rehab are done in a sub-acute setting. Where the environment is very much like a hospital but there is a lot of interaction with physical therapy, occupational Therapy, speech therapy, dietary intervention etc.

 A rather generalize explanation of physical therapy is that it exercise of the below the waist limbs, while occupational therapy is the exercise of the upper body limbs. 

 So any way coming right to the point. I learnt some very important lessons and this experience made me see my life in a whole new light. The bull-shit quickly gets pushed aside when you are dealing with life at its most vulnerable and fragile every day. 

I dealt with people who had dementia at varying stages. Dementia is basically the consistent deterioration of memory. It can occur due to many reasons, Alzheimer is one of the most well-known illness which causes it but there are many others but I wont go into more detail cause this is not a biology lesson. I just want to talk a little bit about what I saw and what I got out of it. As a quick side note, its not necessary that every older person will have dementia it occurs in about 10-15 percent of the population. However, I saw that most people in the advanced stages were not able to do anything for them selves. Makes one appreciate our selves, our independence, the ability to do what we want when we want. Here we keep talking about one bad feature or our weight but if you think about it, what if one day we are not able to move, speak, eat on our own, go to the toilet, scratch an itch. WE are left a prisoner in our own bodies and our own heads full of half finished sentences and foggy memories. It made me appreciate my memories my family more and more and my friends. 

  Most of these folks old with or without dementia just used to talk of three main things their faith or religion, their parents, their spouses or their kids. That is it, no one talks about their careers which we spend so much energy and time on, no one talks about the big house they lived in or how many  expensive things they had, no one talks about the big car and the next big adventure. I saw some kids going the extra mile by coming in to visit with their family member every day and it was mostly children, some spouses also. The children were often but not always the daughter and a lot of times the daughter in laws. When you spoke to them about how their parents had been with them when they were young, the more frequent visitors said they gave them a lot of their time, so this I think was the key the time we spend with our family whether it is our spouse, our parents, our kids. We need to be present in the moment spend it with them. More than the physical presence it has to be a mental engagement. Talk, communicate, play games tell them you love them over and over. Bonding with the kids is all about the care-giving the feeding, the bathing the playing its not just having them in your laps while we work on the computer or watch tv. 

 On the Rehab unit, it was more a realization of how much we take our body for granted the smallest of things like standing up can become a challenge if just one thing is not working right. So treat your body well, eat healthy, exercise, sleep and have fun. 

 It was a wonderful experience though, I get this question a lot why Nursing and why a Nursing Assistant who by the way are payed just a little above minimum wage but have to do pretty much all the grunt work on very tight schedules and with limited staff. I can only say it gives me a lot of satisfaction to take care of some one. If I managed to connect with even one person give them some small relief it makes me happy. A lot of times nursing assistants are not being treated with a lot of respect by the patients and by the staff, their work is considered not very fad. But I learnt that the work they do is very important they are ones with the most interaction with the patients and residents, they are the ones keeping the patients clean and fed and they are the first ones to notice if anything is a miss. I had more appreciation for the people around me who are doing the labor oriented tasks. The work a lot of us do not want to deal with and the work a lot of us assume does not require a lot of skill. Yes if you need to take some one and weight them it is not big deal if they are healthy and walk there them selves but if this person is totally paralyzed and really old and fragile the task requires a bit of finesse and skill to ensure the person is not injured by the end of the process. 

 Most of the Nursing Assistants I worked with or spoke to said that Nurses who were Nursing Assistant are better at handling things and who wont be after taking care of 7-8 patients on one shift where you are the ones ensuring they are clean, hydrated and fed working on tight meal and rehab schedules. An older person and even a patient is like a little child in terms of their needs except they are much bigger and heavier and they are not as complacent and compliant and you cannot scold them into doing things.  

 So it was a great experience on the whole cant wait to start my next rotation at the hospital. 

Starting my life in the healthcare profession.

Since I was a kid I always wanted to be a doctor. Every time some one would ask me what you want to do when you grow up. I d go I will be a doctor. Well I went to school and then university and after an especially grueling time realized that although I really like sciences I struggled with them quite a bit and perhaps medicine was not for me. I had always dreamed of being this heroic figure who went out to the field with poorly equipped hospitals in war torn and ravaged countries and worked tirelessly to take care of the people there. But reality and fantasy are two very different things so I kept on pushing back on my dreams and going well I don't need to help people like this, I can do something else like volunteer.... hmmm,well than I had my daughter It simultaneously opened my eyes to the fragility of human life and the resilience a human being has to fight for his life. It made me realize how lucky I was to have the support I had, my wonderful amazing husband, my awesome mother and sisters and my amazing friends. I was awed by how much progress medicine has made and the untiring effort put in by the whole medical team.

Like a lot of people I used to think the doctors are the real heroes, well they are surely but so are all the Nurses and therapists and every one else who is working in the whole healthcare system here. I was especially impressed with the nurses and their tireless work in ensuring my comfort and the comfort of my baby. I had dili dalied with the idea of being a Nurse for a long time, so after my experience I started to put it into practice. I was not sure how I ll react to sickness and all kind of bodily fluids and grumpy tired patients, so I started slow by volunteering at a hospital and contrary to what I expected, I loved it.

I mean I absolutely love working at both the hospitals I am working at right now. University of Washington Medical Center and Evergreen. I am inspired by the dedication of the health care staff and how seriously they take their jobs. I am impressed by how well hospitals and nursing homes are regulated here. There is always human error, of course that cannot be completely eliminated but boy these folks work very hard to make it as minimum as possible.

I feel satisfied and happier than I have ever been in a long time regarding my career progress. So I took the next step and enrolled in a Nursing Assistant program and well the program is pretty intense to say the least. Lots of information and studying involved but it is also quite an eye opener. I was thinking about how sick my grand parents were at the time they passed away and as in Pakistan the old folks always live at home they were at home. I know my uncles and aunts and my mom did the best they could to take care of them but when one does not know how to deal with a specific situation it can get very hard. Things like proper hand washing can eliminate a lot of infections right off the bat but we don't know how to properly wash our hands.

There is a lot of misinformation out there regarding anti-bacterial agents and that causes people to make bad choices, so does misinformation regarding immunization. I ll say a little bit about immunization and than on to my story, the only way and I mean the only way immunization can work is if every one gets it, if half the population is immunized and the other half opts out, it puts every one at risk. The study that came out regarding immunizing kids and children getting autism due to this was fraudulent. The British doctor who did it is behind bars now cause his study prompted quite a few parents to forgo immunization for their children and these kids ended up getting those very diseases the immunizations were suppose to counteract and they died.

So any ways I just recently started going back to school and it kind of feels like when I was at university when life became all about sleeping, eating and studying. I hope I can be good at what I have decided to do, I still have apprehensions sometimes because it is sinking in how much of an influence I can have on someone's life. I can be responsible for someone's death and one false move on my part can make the difference in someone's quality of life. However, a good job by me can also make some one's life a lot more comfortable and easy. I feel very happy when I work in hospitals. When I started this course one of the first things we learnt was about Florence Nightingale. This lady changed the face of health care. She standardized practices for Nurses and actually gave a face to this profession. Things we take for granted like infection control and cleanliness were started by her. She comforted the sick and nurtured them. These are the main things our instructors keep stressing too, empathy, non-judgmental attitude, cleanliness. Get to know your patient, know what they like and how you can make them more comfortable and happy. I don't know, people tell me I am a nurturer by nature so I hope I do a decent job. Lets see its going to be an interesting ride...

food food and more food

Before I launch into my rant, i want to apologize to all my readers for being away from the scene for so long. I was afflicted by a writers block of sorts and by this massive expectation of my self to write something totally profound and original or something hilarious.

I started many posts and always deleted them cause they never fit the bill. Well i have removed that sort of expectation from my self now and I ll just write whatever I am thinking of at the moment without censorship, it may be funny but again it may not be.

So this brings me to today's post. It is about food which i love, I love to eat and I love to cook. Cooking for me is like creating a master piece I feel deliriously happy when I am in the kitchen making some concoction or the other and non of my recipes are ever the same cause I always end up making some change to the original depending on the ingredients at hand. I am very lucky that I was taught how to cook, this skill has served me well it helped me to establish a very successful business and it helped me to survive when living on my own, when I had a seriously tight budget but my knowledge of food and cooking helped me stay healthy. you must be wondering why I am telling you all this, well the reason is that lately I have been watching TED talks and I was shocked to learn that apparently in the USA for the last 4 generations women have literally stopped cooking at home. Its mostly take out, canned food, tv dinners. On top of this most women don't know how to cook. I know its very un fair to pin cooking and house work just on women, men should learn all these life skills too, but more on that debate later.

The health of this country has gone down drastically over the last few years, by the year 2020 more than 70 percent of the population will be obese. Right now new born children are being born obese. What has all this got to do with women cooking you may be wondering, well let me do a quick re cap of history here apparently in the early 1900's women were mostly at home they did the house work bought locally produced ingredients and cooked the food at home over time as more and more women got into the work force tv dinners and canned food was marketed to them to ease the house work load. These foods were generally meat based with tons of other kinds of additives and not fresh ingredients over time this became the norm. The sad part is that as women went into the work force the house work and cooking were still primarily considered their responsibility and hence they were sold on the idea of quick fixes.

I am writing this post for a few reasons one is that cooking is a very under appreciated skill. The other day a friend of mine and I were talking about how perceptions have shifted now. In Pakistan knowing how to cook and keep a good house is considered a very important skill and it is valued. Women who cook well are appreciated and lauded and encouraged. A woman cooking and keeping house here is not really considered to be doing "real work." As more and more women start working the quality of home life will get affected it is key that the men realize this right now and pitch in, if you expect your wife to work than make sure you don't expect her to do all the house work and the cooking. If you don't know how to cook, learn it and most importantly teach your kids, boys and girls to cook. Cooking and food knowledge is key to staying healthy.

The other important thing to remember is what we eat, in Pakistan meat is still considered a luxury so having it once a week is a big deal for some, here meat is much more readily available so our diets change drastically, where we ate meat once or twice a week we end up eating meat on a daily basis. This trend needs to change, eating meat once or at max twice a week is more than enough for our body. It is imperative for health to eat as much vegetable and plant based food as we can.